Reality Checks

Hello World!


Ok, so for those that don’t know me already, I’m a geeky software developer-turned-manager chick, and some traditions must be upheld.  So, Hello World!  I’ve never been much of a good blogger in the past, because frankly, I never seem to have much to say that I feel is worthy to publish to the very public and permanent realm of the Internet, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have something to share.

After being a pretty heavy person most of my life, I am less than 20 lbs from being “Normal”.  I’ve lost more than 50 lbs since September, and I’ve dropped 4 dress sizes.  Now, any rational person would say, “That’s amazing!  You should be so proud of yourself!” and while I am to some degree, the truth of the matter is that I’m terrified.  I know that makes absolutely no sense, but it’s the truth.  Part of me thinks this is just some kind of fluke, and that any day now, reality will set in and I’ll start gaining it all back, and part of me is afraid that I’ll never feel “normal” if I keep the weight off.  You see, there’s a kind of bliss in ignoring your weight.  The freedom to eat what you want, where you want, when you want is enormously satisfying and is one of the great pleasures of my adult life.

I live in Houston, the fattest city in America and home to an incredible quality and quantity of restaurants.   You could eat every meal at a different place for years and never repeat.   And because there are so many restaurants here, they have to be good (both in food and service and price) or they don’t survive.  Good food, at good prices, delivered with a smile vs. grocery shopping, planning, prepping, chopping, and slaving in a hot kitchen only to be rewarded with a mountain of dishes and dirty countertops – it’s a wonder anyone cooks anymore.  And for years and years we did what every other busy family with kids did – we ate quick and cheap on the run between everywhere else because it was convenient and way less stress (as long as the kids were behaving reasonably well).  The price we paid was with our health and our weight.  And because everyone else is doing it too, it’s easy to ignore the ever increasing waistline.

But all of that blissful ignorance takes a toll.  Small pains become big ones, and heart disease, cancer, and other scary medical conditions start happening to people around you and at some point you have to ask yourself – what are the chances that I’m next?  E.J. and I both had high blood sugar and were technically diabetic.  We were starting to get tingling and small pains in our arms and legs, and under it all is a well-repressed sense of self-disgust that just wouldn’t go away with the standard rationalizations anymore.  At what point is enough enough?

Honestly, if it had been up to me, I don’t think anything would have changed.  E.J. finally hit his breaking point – and for his sake I agreed to go down this crazy path.  I told him he was out of his mind and that there was no way we were going to be able to change our diet so radically, but when someone you love with all of your heart looks you in the eye and tells you that they’re pretty sure that their life is at stake and that they need your help, you do what needs to be done.  And here we are, almost 6 months later and more than 120 lbs lost between the 2 of us, and I’m still not doing it for me.

My goal with this is to share my thoughts, fears, successes and failures in the hopes that it inspires someone else to take one step and then another toward a healthier self.  If not for yourself, then for the people in your life who love you fiercely.

2 thoughts on “Hello World!

  1. This is an amazing first post, and I am so very proud of you! Not only for this post, but for all the hard work and pushing through your fears and the pain. Most of all, I thank you for doing this with me, and for me. It is my hope that at some point, you start doing this for yourself, too. You are worth it, and you are the light of my life.

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